FMP Inspiration

 FMP Inspiration 

ASD

Creativity- It is about tapping into my creativity and not allowing society to decide who I am as an individual and a space where I can be undeniably myself without having to apologize.

Generally people have no awareness or any understanding of how day to day life impacts on or affects me as an ASD individual on the spectrum. The spectrum colours the world in a different light. The emotions that you feel, I'm feeling ten times the intensity. Experiences that you have and struggle to recover from, I won't be able to recover for twice as long. Having ASD is constantly not fitting into a world that I perceive often as saying 'you don't belong here with us, you're built different. We are what we are and don't want you to dye/colour our lives. You make our lives more challenging and we don't need to accept you or understand you because we had zero interest in you to begin with.'

At every stage of my life whether I was aware or not, in one way or another there is judgment placed onto me and I'm always seen as different. Being able to navigate my way through life has not been easy. I feel like I'm a show pony constantly having to jump hurdle after hurdle and somehow never deemed to be acceptable or understood in this world. All this effort, time and energy I put into everything most of the time has been wasted and I've faced some harsh truths and learned hard lessons along the way. This ultimately has made me into the most resilient person, which is comparable to a defense mechanism like a chameleon camouflaging into the landscape.

 I have to regularly advocate and look after myself in this life and protect myself everyday. Being on earth for me is like a ongoing journey of rediscovery and going out there to find out the nature of my species, so I know what's just around the river bend to be able to navigate these waters.

To navigate life I have a series of masking behaviors that I wear depending on circumstances. So I look at it like this, I'm not or haven't been deemed worthy in society or by my peers around me. Because of this reason I  mask using my personality and can almost be quite animated like a Disney character and this is because I'm putting all my energy to the forefront of my character. However this can sometimes translate as me being too much for people as I'm seen as too energetic and not calm/composed or I'm too honest in the way that I think and the judgments I make in certain scenarios/situations. This is emotionally and physically exhausting. 

A typical person has to take maybe one break during a work day or they may have certain boundaries. It is the same concept for ASD people but we can be seen as more regimented/rigid with our structure/routine or personal needs. If our needs are not being met or we are not allowed to have small breaks throughout our working day this can lead to us being exhausted or floods our threshold. The way that we process information or go about daily tasks are the opposite to how  typical people process and complete tasks. Generally we require spaces/gaps during our tasks to be able to process and absorb information so that we understand the outcome and then we can start and finish a task on time, whilst doing it efficiently.   

I JUST WANT TO BE ALLOWED TO BE ME!

When I was five years old, I remember I was in reception at Primary school and my first introduction to anything remotely creative was the three primary colours red, yellow and blue. From there as children we are taught to mix those selected colours to make what we call secondary colours. From that moment on my interest in creativity spiraled and  never seemed to ever disappear. I have now been studying Fine Art at Degree level for four years and the subject still remains a strong influence and presence in my life. I use creativity as an outlet for expression, off loading any negative energy that may occur at certain times in my life and this space allows me to escape and be an uncensored version of myself with no apologies needed and nobody I must answer to. The darkest things that occur in life can often spark the most beauty. 

What is desirable to each individual is subjective. My creative decisions are often informed by what is happening around me or fragments of beauty i can pick out from everyday life that nobody else appreciates or see's. As humans we tend to lead such busy and compact lives that we don't take a breath and allow ourselves a second to look up and realize what's surroundings us and our environment, the majority of the time we are either absorbed in our own problems or technology is the thief of all of our time. 

With this in mind I set out to look at my own personal feelings/emotions in relation to music and my outlook on the world around me. First of all I looked at the work of Kandinsky and his synesthesia behaviors that would contribute to his reactions to compositional pieces of music when painting onto a canvas. As an outcome they appear to have an abstract quality about them which is the same approach/method that I use when using paint as a medium. First of all my response to his work was to develop this into a 3D version of paint on canvas, i was also trying to think outside of the box and push my boundaries in order to step out of my creative comfort zone. My thoughts/ideas around colour and bringing the concept of masking led me to explore natural forms and aesthetics using natural materials in particular wood/fallen branches. I feel like i am often having to behave in a way that is not natural to who i am in order to fit into to society. 

Colour gives me a zest for life, sparks joy and happiness. My final piece is intertwined with each of these concepts with ASD, Masking, Colour and presents the idea to people that we have a natural authentic world and a un-natural aesthetic/embellished world that we have created for our own personal gain and pleasure. Rather than be interpreted as negative, i chose to expose a positive side of masking. This represents the positive side of my embedded masking behaviors and celebrating the world as i see it and not as it should be. The central focus being around colours amongst the everyday. 

In my final  piece .